Email 2/3/2005 Pam News
First of all, I hadn't planned on sending another update so soon, so if getting these emails is driving you nuts, just block me, I won't be offended. Pam will be crushed, but I won't mind.
Secondly, if you are getting this it is likely bad news. Bad news is almost always more interesting than good, just watch TV news, it is all bad and we all watch.
Finally, I send these updates because people seem to honestly care about what is going on. I get asked all the time how Pam is doing. She is so encouraged as people respond. Everyone should have the support our family has received. I will be sending a photo soon that graphically illustrates this. You have that to look forward to.
Bear with me on this email, it is getting harder and harder to make cancer information entertaining and humorous. Especially when it is Pam's cancer. Cancer takes on new meaning when it is you or your family. I have a much greater appreciation for many, many people nowadays.
Treatment #3 was yesterday. You would think it would be getting easier. Think again. The treatment was from noon to 5pm. They slowed down the introduction of the toxins in hopes that the side effects would be lessened. By 9:45pm last night (Wednesday) the expected nausea/vomitting began. At least I didn't hear much about the headache this time. The vomitting never stopped. It worsened all through the sleepless night. We are talking literally here, she threw up (or heaved for a while) at least 6 times an hour. That doesn't leave much time for sleeping.
By 3:45am today (Thursday), she couldn't take anymore. Her body was aching and she could no longer control many of the things we all take for granted. She hadn't had anything to eat or drink since the required ice chips at 1pm Wednesday (the ice keeps the sores in her mouth caused by the chemo from erupting). Anyway, we woke her oncologist up at 3:45am and asked him what to do. He said wait for his office to open at 8am or go to the ER now, our choice (thanks!?). Here is where Pam and I differ. I always choose the option that says wait. In my mind, in 4 hours she would likely be better. That is what I would choose if it were me (recall my wise move a year ago, waiting for the heart attack to go away, man I am stupid). Pam was voting for the ER. I was stalling, then her body, that had lost most normal functions, spoke to me independent of Pam herself. How? It had not been producing much more than spit during the most recent heaves, but it suddenly produced a load of electric yellow sryup, right into the 4 cup measuring cup she uses as she is too weak to get to the bathroom. (Sorry for the graphic description, but everyone wants to know this stuff, really). Wala! I changed my vote from WAIT to GO.
My experience has always been that as soon as you get to the hospital, your symptoms are gone and you are going to ace all the tests. Pam got there at 4:15am and proceeded to flunk every test she was given. Her body kept finding unusual things to throw up in the ER. They were taking her very seriously. Let me tell you, I have never seen my beautiful wife look worse. I actually teared up. I don't remember crying since I was like 4 years old. While in the ER, her failed tests were indicating that her body had some major life threatening issues that required admission. So she has been there ever since, with interesting bags of fluids being pumped into her and more tests being administerd. Don't know when she gets to come home, but I assume tomorrow. I managed to make it to tonight without sleeping since Wednesday morning. The hospital will take better care of Pam than I can tonight. Last night I realized I could never be a doctor. I glaze over and don't know what to do. My instinct of waiting for it to get better is not all that helpful in real emergencies. I have also found that there is very little you can do to comfort someone in Pam's condition last night. The oncologist told her today that she is in yet another small percentage group of people who have her chemo reactions (1 in 10). Treatment #4 will be administered in the hospital with a mandatory post-chemo admiss
ion.Tonight we had a blessing as across the hall from Pam was our friend Kendra Fowler. Her brother has been admitted, his life on the line. Pam has nothing but time to pray right now. So she is praying for Harold, as Kendra continues to pray for Pam. You know, in Pam's clear times/healthy times, she is totally focused on ministry ideas and opportunities. Amazing. She has been encouraging many and serving God while her body has been busy coloring and blending fluids for public display.
Rick
PS - cancer and it's treatment deserve the reputation it carries...uh oh, Erin just checked my heart and didn't hear anything, that can't be good. Better wait this out and see if it is beating tomorrow morning, when I have to go back to the hospital anyway
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