Chemo Barbie from Jan. 6, 2005

I love Flat Top Grill. We stopped going there after Jan. 6, 2005 however. I miss it. Pam gets sick just driving by it. Another chemo side effect...aversions. Flat Top Grill, ice, smoothies in particular and cold drinks in general, and a bunch of other stuff have disappeared from Pam's diet since the first day of chemotherapy. The following email documents the day that Pam's confidence that she was going to get through cancer and chemotherapy without too much trouble completely disappeared. It was also the day that her memory began being erased and Chemo Barbie arrived on the scene. This email also contained a rare photo of Pam, wet hair, no makeup...don't know how this was ever allowed, but I like it.


Chemo Barbie Email Thursday 1/6/2005


Pam is the classic chemo patient...sick. We went to her first chemo treatment yesterday (Wednesday) at 9am. They gave her three pre-chemo drugs then the two actual chemo drugs. We left the office more than 5 hours later, a little after 2pm. Flat Top Grill is close to the cancer center so we went there for a late lunch with Emory and Flo hoping to get some food into Pam. For those who haven't been there, you write your name on a little wooden paddle that goes into your bowl of food, then the server knows which bowl to return to which person. I noticed Pam was a little drunk from the drugs. She wasn't remembering much of anything. I think she forgot her name. But what's her dad's (Emory) excuse? The server arrived and asked for Rick. Then Flo. Then Bob (?). By default, I thought, Pam got her bowl without her name being spoken. Then I looked at her paddle and she had written Chemo Barbie. She doesn't remember doing that.


Since then she has been down, literally. The effects of the chemo are supposed to show up 24-48 hours after the treatment. She passed out the first time at Flat Top. By 5:30pm they were full blown obvious. An incredible headache was accompanied by incredible sickness. The nausea is unrelenting. By today at 3pm, she was told to go back to the oncologist to be hydrated. She sucked down some IV nausea meds and two bags of saline. We got home around 6pm and it was back to bed for Pam with all the lights out. The headache won't break. They told her not to try to eat or drink anything as they want the vomitting to stop. Small amounts of water are even a problem. Chemotherapy is very glamorous. I wonder why it hasn't caught on as a recreational drug?


We ask and thank you for your prayers. Seems like we have been asking for them for months now...actually we have. This stage of cancer has proven to be less fun than we were warned. Pray for our kids now as they haven't been able to have their mom much lately. I think I am just as much fun as ever though, so they have that going for them. Some people think I look tired and stressed, but that is impossible.


Pam has a list of about 90 people she wants to write thank you notes to and she is feeling guilty that she hasn't gotten it done. So if you are one of the many who have sent us gifts, served us, taken care of our kids, fed us, prayed with us, etc., know that we are thankful, just not quite capable of putting it in writing as proper manners dictate. Someday.


Pam was able to serve with me in church last Saturday. It was her first appearance since the first Saturday in November. She was able to explain to the kids what has gone on and prepare them for the chemo stage (and the physical changes that are coming). Once again we gathered around her and prayed and at least 6 or 7 of the kids voluntarily prayed beautiful, meaningful prayers. Very spiritually mature 10 and 11 year olds. We are so thankful for our faith and all of those God has placed around us.


Rick