Those in FL are jealous

Our white Christmas of 2009 began just a little late, with the snow fall beginning on Christmas day in the mid-afternoon and continuing to fall for the next 48 hours, leaving us with 8 inches on the ground. This post is mostly for friends and family in FL. Envy and jealously are such ugly things, but we understand those of you who don't get snow when you feel such things. Must stink to have swimming as your only outdoor fun activity.

Erin, our snow and cold loving daughter, wasted little time in getting into the snow on Dec. 26th and built herself a sweet fort. It's size will guarantee that it will be around for quite a while. It was built with the temps in the low 20s, just low enough to make her cheeks rosey, but warm enough to be comfy. You Floridians are sure missing out. Do any of you even remember the refreshing sting of single digit temps on your face (we awoke to 2 deg. today)? How about the the below zero wind chills that make you feel alive? Jumping into your screened pool you never use when the water temp is below 80 degrees just doesn't compare. Again I feel sad for you and sense your envy.

I know, mostly because it makes the national news, FL (northern and maybe even central) can and does get a freak snow on occasion (frost and ice don't count as snow). Its those moments that I again feel sad for you. You see, I know your only hills are for entering and exiting highways and/or interstates. I also imagine that the Florida Highway Patrol makes a frowny face everytime they see a transplant or snowbird, desperate for a little non-swimming action, trying to sled down a ramp on a blow up pool toy, and shoo's them away (shoo's is a word isn't it?).

I have been to FL, both sides, up and down, many times. I have seen the South American and Germen men in their thong swimsuits everywhere. Not a pretty sight. Here in Illinois, men like Jon and Troy only wear thongs in the privacy of their own homes, far from my family and camera. When men in Illinois lay on each other on an inner tube (you Floridians might recognize this device, you use it drag thong wearing men sitting on each other with your boats in alligator infested lakes), they bundle up, so as to be modest, safe from harmful UV rays and to not overdose on the refreshing cold air sting. And when they fall off at the end of the ride they happily land (see the smiles) on frozen farm ground, rather than in the jaws of the alligator that recently ate your neighbors Shitzu, Mitsy.

Now, there are similarities to our outdoor activities. We tested the old saying "Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog" in the video below. Only we raced, rather than fought, using one of your Florida tubes, a big dog (Craig), and a smaller, healthier, seemingly faster dog (Josh) on an actual sled built for the snow. We found, and this video proves it, that the larger size dog wins in sledding. Just like I assume a similarly "bouyant" large dog (S. American/Germen thong wearer) in water might swim faster than a small dog. The similarities end there though. Our large dog stopped in a marginally graceful way (the small dog gets points for his ending), without being torn to pieces by an alligator (or bull shark if you prefer the ocean).

Of course, sometimes the small dogs don't stop soon enough and think they have broken their leg on a frozen mound of earth. The Floridians who have survived shark and alligator bites know what he felt like I suppose.