Pam got out of bed from 1/15/2005

The title seems a little unexciting, but getting out of bed for Pam during chemo was a bit like the Cubs winning the pennant. Newsworthy. This was more of a family update rather than a mass update.

1/15/2005

Pam got out of bed

The battle of the chemo effects continues. Yesterday saw an increase in the pain from the soreness the chemo caused in Pam's mouth and throat, and we saw continued regurgitation. But the sun finally showed up and our temperatures are staying in the easy to add range (single digits). Today is super sunny. Erin spent the night at the Boomer's last night. Josh went to a pool party. This morning he got up early for his basketball game. He did alright, but I think he needed more rest last night as he seemed a little tired.

Erin came home and dug into her Polly Pockets after her shower. Pam even got out of bed and showered today. Then she went totally nuts and put on street clothes, did her hair and her makeup. She is planning to go to church this evening. Hope she doesn't throw up on anyone important. She hasn't eaten anything today, partly due to the sore throat/mouth, partly due to the nausea. It will at least be clear, non-staining throw up. Notice in the photo I just took she still has her original hair. Ten days into chemo and her hair is hanging on for dear life. She is happy about that. She hopes it holds on through Monday. She has a photo shoot that day which involves her, her mom, pinks and pastels, and the largest Race for the Cure in the USA (in 05 it is opening up to men, so it could be up to 40,000 or 50,000 people).

Pam just said she wants to come up with a way to line a purse with a plastic bag so she doesn't have to carry a bucket around church with her. Looks like we have a little project this afternoon.

Hope you are all well. I notice that Fargo and Winnepeg are going to be -20 and -30 respectively tonight. Bet you all wish you were here where we will be way warmer at zero. I also noticed that Miami will dip into the 60's and the Orlando area will be in the 50's. I hope you guys will be OK down there. You could get quite chilled.

About Pam from 12/17/2004

This Pam update captured her up and at em a few weeks after her Thanksgiving Eve surgery in 04. Post surgery, pre-chemo.

12/17/2004

About Pam

So many people have been asking how Pam is, I thought I should send out a little information.

She is healing nicely from the surgery. She is tired, especially this week, as she has had 7 doctors appointments in the past 5 days. The first one of them was to have a tooth removed. This week has been about as much fun as having a tooth pulled. Nothing goes right in Pam's medical world, so on Monday after the tooth was removed, the bleeding wouldn't stop so she had to turn right around and go back in. It ended up being a full day there. By Thursday she had a dry socket and had to go back. Before Pam could call them to return on Friday, they called her and asked her to come in again.

Wednesday was the oncologist appointment. It started at 10:30am at the brand new Cancer Center. It is a beautiful building loaded full of sick people struggling with cancer. This is the largest private oncology group in Illinois and one of the largest in the nation. Our Dr. day ended when we finally returned home around 5:15PM.

What they suggested for Pam is this, high dose chemo IV's every two weeks for 4 months followed by 60 months of tamoxifen (ironically a drug that greatly increases a woman's chance of getting uterin cancer, liver disease and heart attacks). Wow, the side effects are fantastic. Let me tell you, we have experienced a heart attack and cancer this year. If given the choice, take the heart attack. Cancer is proving to be about as much fun as a heart attack...I mean...uh...cancer!?!

Pam has a way of looking great even though she might feel lousy. Quite a quality. Hopefully her hair will be the last body part she loses for a while. She is tired of having things removed. She really didn't want to lose a tooth this week. It can't be replaced for about six months. She is also tired of adding doctors to her list of acquaintances. She added two this week, Dr. Otte (oral surgeon) and Dr. Patel (cardiologist). Pam now has a heart doctor like me. She had to go to him on Wednesday for an echo cardiogram. Because chemo is so toxic, it can ruin vital parts of your body, like your heart. So in between chemo treatments, she gets to go to the cardiologist to make sure her heart still works.

I just kind of read through what I have written thus far and it seems a little gloomy, so I think I should stop writing. But...

...when it seems bad for us we are always reminded of how it could be worse. Right now I am behind putting cards and letters into Pam's binder. I had to switch to a 5 inch binder to hold all the well wishes. She has been so encouraged by so many people. We still get food brought to us about every other night (which I thought we wouldn't need at this point, but we actually do, this cancer thing is exhausting...I wish everyone struggling could be supported like this). We know folks who lost their daughter suddenly this fall to a flesh eating disease. We know a family that lost their son to cancer after a year of battling it. We know another family that lost their son to a disease he had been fighting since childhood. And we know a family that lost their father and husband last week to a car crash. It could be worse. We all need to count our blessings this Christmas.

Thank you for allowing me to ramble on with the last paragraph. It is therapy for me.

GI Jane from Jan. 20, 2005

Pam might vaguely remember this moment. She left the darkness of her room for a few minutes for a haircut...an extreme hair makeover of sorts.

Cha cha cha cha changes

The second round of chemo for Pam came on Wednesday the 19th. That was the same day that her hair really started coming out. Pam decided that she had control over one thing, and that was her hair. It was coming off when she decided it would.

Her chemo treatment once again threw her down. She hadn't slept since Sunday night and last night the trend continued. So with this round she got to be wide awake for all of the nausea. She spent the entire night throwing up. At least her headache was not quite as severe this time. At 4:30am today (Thursday) she finally fell asleep. She slept until 4:30pm when she got out of bed just long enough to have the kids shave her head.

Under Tierney's guidance, the kids cut their mom's hair. It was a good move on Pam's part as this was so much better than just emerging from her room suddenly bald and shocking them. She went for an intermediate baldness by going for a GI Jane cut. As it continues to come out she will have to decide to go all the way down to avoid a mangy look. Of course we will photograph that to share as well. This is a well documented case of cancer.

The photos of the haircut speak for themselves. The first photos show the once long, dark, curly hair still seeming to be firmly planted in Pam's head as she sat for her second chemo treatment. Emory and Flo were there to help out. It is not the most fun place to go, but Pam is a faithful little soldier going in and taking her medicine without complaining. She knows God is walking her through this and
she will use this experience to strengthen her faith.
Rick

Chemo Barbie from Jan. 6, 2005

I love Flat Top Grill. We stopped going there after Jan. 6, 2005 however. I miss it. Pam gets sick just driving by it. Another chemo side effect...aversions. Flat Top Grill, ice, smoothies in particular and cold drinks in general, and a bunch of other stuff have disappeared from Pam's diet since the first day of chemotherapy. The following email documents the day that Pam's confidence that she was going to get through cancer and chemotherapy without too much trouble completely disappeared. It was also the day that her memory began being erased and Chemo Barbie arrived on the scene. This email also contained a rare photo of Pam, wet hair, no makeup...don't know how this was ever allowed, but I like it.


Chemo Barbie Email Thursday 1/6/2005


Pam is the classic chemo patient...sick. We went to her first chemo treatment yesterday (Wednesday) at 9am. They gave her three pre-chemo drugs then the two actual chemo drugs. We left the office more than 5 hours later, a little after 2pm. Flat Top Grill is close to the cancer center so we went there for a late lunch with Emory and Flo hoping to get some food into Pam. For those who haven't been there, you write your name on a little wooden paddle that goes into your bowl of food, then the server knows which bowl to return to which person. I noticed Pam was a little drunk from the drugs. She wasn't remembering much of anything. I think she forgot her name. But what's her dad's (Emory) excuse? The server arrived and asked for Rick. Then Flo. Then Bob (?). By default, I thought, Pam got her bowl without her name being spoken. Then I looked at her paddle and she had written Chemo Barbie. She doesn't remember doing that.


Since then she has been down, literally. The effects of the chemo are supposed to show up 24-48 hours after the treatment. She passed out the first time at Flat Top. By 5:30pm they were full blown obvious. An incredible headache was accompanied by incredible sickness. The nausea is unrelenting. By today at 3pm, she was told to go back to the oncologist to be hydrated. She sucked down some IV nausea meds and two bags of saline. We got home around 6pm and it was back to bed for Pam with all the lights out. The headache won't break. They told her not to try to eat or drink anything as they want the vomitting to stop. Small amounts of water are even a problem. Chemotherapy is very glamorous. I wonder why it hasn't caught on as a recreational drug?


We ask and thank you for your prayers. Seems like we have been asking for them for months now...actually we have. This stage of cancer has proven to be less fun than we were warned. Pray for our kids now as they haven't been able to have their mom much lately. I think I am just as much fun as ever though, so they have that going for them. Some people think I look tired and stressed, but that is impossible.


Pam has a list of about 90 people she wants to write thank you notes to and she is feeling guilty that she hasn't gotten it done. So if you are one of the many who have sent us gifts, served us, taken care of our kids, fed us, prayed with us, etc., know that we are thankful, just not quite capable of putting it in writing as proper manners dictate. Someday.


Pam was able to serve with me in church last Saturday. It was her first appearance since the first Saturday in November. She was able to explain to the kids what has gone on and prepare them for the chemo stage (and the physical changes that are coming). Once again we gathered around her and prayed and at least 6 or 7 of the kids voluntarily prayed beautiful, meaningful prayers. Very spiritually mature 10 and 11 year olds. We are so thankful for our faith and all of those God has placed around us.


Rick

Finale from Feb. 27, 2005

I thought the adventure was over when Pam's chemotherapy regimen was shortened from 8 treaments over 4 months to 4 over 2 (this happened when it became very evident that this protocol treatment and Pam were not compatible). Little did I know that the effects of the chemo would continue to haunt Pam for a very long time, so I closed out my regular updates for the most part and Pam drifted into obscurity to wage a more private battle with what she was left with. It hasn't been fun, but the last four years have been very special. The update below contains some bald pics of Pam. I hope she doesn't mind, she didn't back then, but she was in la-la-land at the time. More potential trouble for me...

Email update from 2/27/2005

Hopefully the last word




This should be the last time you hear from the Lingenfelter family, medically speaking. After adding a half gallon (4 units?) of blood to Pam, she was released from the hospital. That was around 9:30pm last night. There was no internal bleeding as they first freaked us out with upon arrival in the ER Thursday night. Just a nasty dose of chemo 8 days earlier that worked it's magic and killed off a lot of Pam's blood supply. If her chemo has worked it's way out, this new blood should keep her feeling better until her body once again begins producing new hemoglobin.
We don't plan on having to go back as the chemo regimen is over. Pam has made some new friends on the oncology floor at the hospital, but she won't be longing to have any more sleepovers there. Pam had a friend stay with her Friday night, so I could go home and try to sleep off my flu. Somewhere between 11pm Friday night and 8am Saturday morning they had a party. Remember, Pam gets drugs in the hospital. When I opened the door to the room Saturday morning the first thing I saw was a Domino's Pizza box on the floor. Munchies? Seems that around 1am, with the sleeping drugs not working, Pam ordered up a pizza. Whoops! She went to the hospital in her jammies. No money. Her friend Deb was moneyless as well. Somehow they "sort of" paid for it. It was probably the only pizza delivered to the cancer floor all night.

Friday, after the first two units of blood were given, but before Pam really started feeling better, the kids came to visit. No matter how bad she feels, Pam always cranks out a great smile. By Saturday night, with the full half gallon of blood, Pam's color had recovered from the awful gray of last week. She was actually feeling better and ready to be home.

Below is a picture of the binders containing the encouraging letters, cards and emails. The card binder is ten inches thick, and the printed emails number into the hundreds. The gifts, meals, babysitting, Pamsitting, housecleaning, laundry, errand running and above all prayers have meant more than we can ever express. My hope is that we are not unique, that everyone who is sick and needs help is supported as much as we have been. But I know they aren't, and that is sad. It is hard enough getting through with a ton of help, but alone it must be unbelievable. All I can say is if you encounter any major illness, let people know so they can pray for and serve you. That is what we as Christians do, we serve. And sometimes we need to be served.

I am droning on as I usually do, but at least this is officially the last Pam update. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Rick

Chemisery from Feb. 3, 2005

I have decided to post some of the updates I gave on Pam when she went through cancer the first time four years ago. I am posting them in no particular order. Pam's memory once chemo started in Jan. of 05 was virtually erased, except for the bad stuff. Actually much of the details of Pam's life during 05 and 06 are at best vague memories to her now. Some of what I am posting, if she reads this, will be news to her. I could be in trouble.

Email 2/3/2005 Pam News

First of all, I hadn't planned on sending another update so soon, so if getting these emails is driving you nuts, just block me, I won't be offended. Pam will be crushed, but I won't mind.

Secondly, if you are getting this it is likely bad news. Bad news is almost always more interesting than good, just watch TV news, it is all bad and we all watch.

Finally, I send these updates because people seem to honestly care about what is going on. I get asked all the time how Pam is doing. She is so encouraged as people respond. Everyone should have the support our family has received. I will be sending a photo soon that graphically illustrates this. You have that to look forward to.

Bear with me on this email, it is getting harder and harder to make cancer information entertaining and humorous. Especially when it is Pam's cancer. Cancer takes on new meaning when it is you or your family. I have a much greater appreciation for many, many people nowadays.

Treatment #3 was yesterday. You would think it would be getting easier. Think again. The treatment was from noon to 5pm. They slowed down the introduction of the toxins in hopes that the side effects would be lessened. By 9:45pm last night (Wednesday) the expected nausea/vomitting began. At least I didn't hear much about the headache this time. The vomitting never stopped. It worsened all through the sleepless night. We are talking literally here, she threw up (or heaved for a while) at least 6 times an hour. That doesn't leave much time for sleeping.

By 3:45am today (Thursday), she couldn't take anymore. Her body was aching and she could no longer control many of the things we all take for granted. She hadn't had anything to eat or drink since the required ice chips at 1pm Wednesday (the ice keeps the sores in her mouth caused by the chemo from erupting). Anyway, we woke her oncologist up at 3:45am and asked him what to do. He said wait for his office to open at 8am or go to the ER now, our choice (thanks!?). Here is where Pam and I differ. I always choose the option that says wait. In my mind, in 4 hours she would likely be better. That is what I would choose if it were me (recall my wise move a year ago, waiting for the heart attack to go away, man I am stupid). Pam was voting for the ER. I was stalling, then her body, that had lost most normal functions, spoke to me independent of Pam herself. How? It had not been producing much more than spit during the most recent heaves, but it suddenly produced a load of electric yellow sryup, right into the 4 cup measuring cup she uses as she is too weak to get to the bathroom. (Sorry for the graphic description, but everyone wants to know this stuff, really). Wala! I changed my vote from WAIT to GO.

My experience has always been that as soon as you get to the hospital, your symptoms are gone and you are going to ace all the tests. Pam got there at 4:15am and proceeded to flunk every test she was given. Her body kept finding unusual things to throw up in the ER. They were taking her very seriously. Let me tell you, I have never seen my beautiful wife look worse. I actually teared up. I don't remember crying since I was like 4 years old. While in the ER, her failed tests were indicating that her body had some major life threatening issues that required admission. So she has been there ever since, with interesting bags of fluids being pumped into her and more tests being administerd. Don't know when she gets to come home, but I assume tomorrow. I managed to make it to tonight without sleeping since Wednesday morning. The hospital will take better care of Pam than I can tonight. Last night I realized I could never be a doctor. I glaze over and don't know what to do. My instinct of waiting for it to get better is not all that helpful in real emergencies. I have also found that there is very little you can do to comfort someone in Pam's condition last night. The oncologist told her today that she is in yet another small percentage group of people who have her chemo reactions (1 in 10). Treatment #4 will be administered in the hospital with a mandatory post-chemo admission.

Tonight we had a blessing as across the hall from Pam was our friend Kendra Fowler. Her brother has been admitted, his life on the line. Pam has nothing but time to pray right now. So she is praying for Harold, as Kendra continues to pray for Pam. You know, in Pam's clear times/healthy times, she is totally focused on ministry ideas and opportunities. Amazing. She has been encouraging many and serving God while her body has been busy coloring and blending fluids for public display.


Rick

PS - cancer and it's treatment deserve the reputation it carries...uh oh, Erin just checked my heart and didn't hear anything, that can't be good. Better wait this out and see if it is beating tomorrow morning, when I have to go back to the hospital anyway